Gaijin Chronicles Issue 5/6: Japanese Godliness

When I originally posted this Chronicle, I realized that I had skipped calling the very first "installment" an issue, so I sort of skipped Issue 5 and jumped ahead to Issue 6. At the time it was important for me to try to maintain chronology, but if I were to do it now, I just would have floated it as Issue 5 and let it be. Not like it really matters, right?

For this post, I have chosen to place my new thoughts at the bottom, after you've read it all.

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(Originally posted August 22, 2007)

As a general rule, Japan is a country and culture of excessive cleanliness.  Even today, it is customary to shower before you take a bath.  Neither Sean nor I know entirely for sure, but we postulate that this comes from the days when water was a pain in the you-know-what to heat up.  Therefore, everyone would clean in a basin.  First they’d scrub-a-dub-dub, then they’d jump in the tub.  But here’s the catch: they would all jump in the same tub—though presumably not at the same time.  This way, they didn’t have to heat nearly as much water.  Many families still leave water in the tub from one freshly scrubbed person to the next. 

That means, of course, that the shower is the largest room in our apartment.  Alright.  That’s not true.  Our apartment is actually very sizeable by most Japanese standards, and positively mammoth by Tokyo standards (think 100-180 square foot average for one person.  Seriously).  Our shower and bath are in a combined room.  This means that the shower in general is huge, but the tub is—ironically—small.  Whereas I might be able to sit in it and have my legs stretch to the end without bending, I would have to sit straighter than a flagpole.  Sean, on the other hand, would end up virtually kissing his knees. 

But it’s not just in bathing that the Japanese have retained their reputation for cleanliness.  There’s litter control stricter than Disney Land—and that’s with a noticeable lack of public trash receptacles.  You can always find one next to a vending machine, though, and those are everywhere (but that’s another topic).  While walking the street, you can often find people wearing surgical masks—and yes, it’s probably because they’re sick—but not with some horrible communicable disease (I hope).  No, the Japanese are so concerned about the well-being of their fellow man that they will actually risk looking like an extra in “ER” so that they won’t spread their germs.  I say that somewhat mockingly, but really… it truly is a nice gesture.  Beyond that, some ladies still wear little white gloves just to travel in.  When sitting down at nearly any restaurant, the waitress will bring you a cloth (either packaged or not) to wipe your hands.  And the toilets!!! Oh, the toilets…

For a country that for centuries used only a hole in the floor (later lavishly lined with porcelain), they have swung 180 degrees when it comes to western toilets.  The toilets here put America to shame.  Many of the public toilets here put America to shame.  While it’s true that you can find your standard rest-stop toilet (still cleaner than you’d think), many of the public toilets here are amazing. 

Ladies, come to Japan.  They have the toilets of your dreams.  It’s an all-in-one functionality.  Heated seats with temperature controls.  Bidets with two spray points—one for your bum and one for everywhere else—also with temperature controls.  A “flushing sound” with volume control to cover up any indiscreet toilet sounds (they had to add that one because so many women were flushing to avoid embarrassment.  Turns out they were wasting millions of gallons of water a year as a society).  Air freshener with potency control to cover up the results of those indiscreet toilet sounds.  And these are in public bathrooms!  And in case you’re confused by what button does what, some restrooms even have bi-lingual instructions on the wall.

Not only are the toilets fantastic by American standards, but many of the bathroom locations are, as well.  When Sean took me downtown for the first time, we walked all over the place.  Finally, as we were at City Hall on the free observation floor, I told him I couldn’t take it anymore.  I needed to find a bathroom.

“Can you wait five minutes?” he asked.  “If you can, I can take you to a spectacular bathroom.” 

Rolling my eyes and crossing my legs, I huffed and replied, “I suppose…”

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Five minutes and about 17 stories later, I found myself in the Ladies’ Restroom at the International Center.  And you know what?  It was spectacular.  No, the faucets weren’t gold.  The counter wasn’t marble, and the toilets were just standard all-in-one super Japanese flushers.  What was spectacular was that it was floor-to-ceiling windows on the city-side wall.  Amazing views!  Unimpeded vistas.  Except… the stall doors in most restrooms are also usually floor-to-ceiling.  So it’s not exactly like I could sit there and admire the view, if you know what I mean.  But still!  That’s valuable real estate, right there.  A corner office, perhaps.  A fashionable lobby.  A boutique.  In Japan?  Nope.  Bathrooms. 

They do say that cleanliness is next to godliness.

The view from the women's restroom

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When I went to Japan, I had three rules: I didn't want to use a Japanese-style toilet, I didn't want to try and get my hair cut, and I didn't want to have to go to the doctor. After a year, I only managed to adhere to one of those. I'll fill you in on the other two later, but I can safely say that I used Japanese style toilets, and once you get used to the mechanics, they're not a big deal. In fact, I walk into some restrooms here that are just HORRIBLE and find myself wishing for a porcelain-lined hole in the floor, because if you do it right, you don't have to touch ANYTHING.

I remember a conversation we had with some of the goofier teachers at one of the schools. I can't even remember which school it was or which teachers, but I think it was at Sean's school for the disabled, but not one of the teachers with which he worked regularly. We were discussing the difference in toilets, and how it's a funny thing to have culture shock over. Our apartment in Kita-Ku was built in the 60s and had a western toilet, and the toilet paper dispenser on the wall still had a faded and cracked sticker on it that demonstrated how to properly use the toilet. In one, covered by a big red X, a stick figure was standing on the toilet seat facing the tank. In the other, without a big red X, the stick figure was sitting. 

We all laughed a little bit, and then a couple of the teachers said that though they grew up with the Japanese-style toilet, they preferred the western style. Another teacher joked that he can tell when he's out of shape, because when he has to go for a while without using a western style toilet in favor of the traditional ones, his thighs start to hurt from all the squatting. And then one of the men said that even for Japanese, sometimes it's difficult to use a traditional toilet when you haven't for a very long time. His parents, he said, don't have western toilets in their house. And one time when he went to visit, he squatted down and then… he pantomimed looking over his shoulder, covered his mouth with one hand, opened his eyes wide in comedic surprise, and said, "Oop! Missed!"

We all burst out laughing while the women chided us all for discussing something so off-color, but they didn't really mean it. It's funny how vivid that anecdote is in my head, still, even though I can't remember clearly who it was. 

Also, I indicated in the original post that the stalls in the women's bathroom meant that you couldn't "sit and enjoy the view." Sean told me later, however, that the line of men's urinals was on the window wall… meaning that men had no problem at all looking out over the city as they did their business. I still think that would be a little unnerving (especially if you're afraid of heights), but I guess I'll never get a chance to know!