Dear Bed Bath & Beyond

Dear Bed Bath & Beyond:

First of all, let's agree that for the rest of this letter I can refer to you as BB&B. Saying Bed Bath & Beyond each time is too much of a mouthful. And we won't even get into the fact that you really ought to have a comma after Bed (and after Bath, too, but there are always some detractors who argue the cause for NOT having a comma before "and." Poor, misguided souls).

Anyway, I digress. I like your store. A whole lot. I always end up spending way too much money when we visit and adding a whole bunch of organizational doo-dads to my "next time" list. I also like the fact that you always send out 20% off coupons. I DON'T like all the restrictions in the fine print, but that's neither here nor there.

I signed up for mobile coupon alerts to be texted to me. We will ignore the fact that I tried to sign up four different times over a period of 6 months to get email coupons, and it never worked. And no, they didn't go into my junk folder. So I gave up and signed up for the texts, which worked like a charm.

Now I get coupon texts from you pretty regularly. BB&B, please, please, PLEASE tell me why you are choosing to contribute to the massacre of the English language by using "text speak" in your coupon offers. Why?

Your offers say, "BedBath&Beyond: Ur mobile offer for 20% off 1 item in-store OR online is here!  View http://blahblahblah. Reply STOP to cancel."

After I get done shivering in revulsion at the use of "Ur," this CHEESES me.  Every. Stinkin'. Time.

The English language is suffering through an alarmingly rapid degradation without you contributing further to the slaughter. You can't tell me it's a cost thing.... You're not paying by the number of characters in your text. Even if you were, two extra wouldn't break the bank. And you're not trying to shorten or truncate any of the rest of it into cutesy text lingo. And we know these messages are not actually coming from the phone of a BB&B employee. We KNOW that someone sat in front of a computer to type these messages, which makes it even more inexcusable. I mean, you have proper usage throughout the rest of it. You even say "in-store" instead of "in store." You obviously understand the intricacies of this complicated dance we language enthusiasts call grammar.

My 16-year-old little brother-in-law has started saying "NP," and "IDK," and "LOL" in face-to-face conversation instead of "no problem," "I don't know," or, you know, actually laughing out loud.  For crying out loud, people. Are we really so lazy that taking the time to say those extra syllables is actually too difficult of a task? I'm all for the natural evolution of language, but not for full-scale lingualcide.

And what happens when a major corporation like BB&B with a crazy amount of resources, extreme public visibility, and a highly educated corporate staff starts using this ridiculous texty lingo when it's unnecessary to do so? The indoctrination of our youth--our precious youth!--deepens.

For shame, I say! It's up to people like us to save the English language... As someone famous and smart once said, "The only way for cutesy text lingo to succeed is for grammar-centric people to stand by and do nothing." Or something like that.

Well, I refuse to stand by and do nothing. I'm calling you on the carpet, BB&B.  Let's put in those two extra letters in your coupon offers, and show these up-and-coming generations what "professionalism" means. Only YOU can prevent textual abuse.

Oh, and Pier 1? In case you're listening, my girl asked me to call you out, too. What's up with you being hella expensive these days?

Sincerely and with most respectful regards,
A long-hand texter